Maybe there's nothing wrong.
Maybe I am insecure..
It's possible I have insecurities. One reason being that I tend to overthink. I was taught by an awesome friend that "stable men" are not emotional, but could it be that i'm not emotional; rather focused on the truth in another persons heart? Focused on the intention behind actions... and guarding my heart from being hurt..? Wait... that would mean... maybe I am lacking faith... and maybe I am prideful... because why would I be looking for flaws in others when, I started with the fact that I was already flawed.. well, truly I know I don't think I'm better than anyone... I just want to be heard. I want to be cared for, I want to feel that love, I want to be acknowledged, honored... I want, I want, I want... wait..... maybe I am selfish... because I just realized how badly I desire things for myself... and at the same times, I'm so focused on the negativity that others may be doing to me, and I am desiring all the good for myself... I can't believe it never occurred to me that I was selfish like that! I guess it never went through my mind because I would always respond with no response when I guarded my heart... I would become quiet, which maybe wasn't even bad, but I've done worse... I've responded with sarcasm, and hate in my words; my tongue went from sweet to bitter in the matter of seconds, I disposed of the very love that built what I have today just so I could have some satisfaction... maybe I am rude.. I can't believe I didn't love in the midst of situations, as a matter of fact now I am starting to see how the devil is planting seeds of manipulation, he is a master at the creation of a torn heart.. but I will overcome... however I've fallen time and time again... maybe I am weak... and there's nothing I can do about this... or all of these things. I am infuriated at the recognition of who I really am.. all of these things, and it took me so much time to realize... because today I decided I would analyze who I am. And my identity is not found in me.
As a matter of fact... I won't let the Devil win.. my Identity is found in Christ alone.
Maybe there's nothing wrong.
Maybe there just needs to be less of me, & more of him.
The pursuit of Christ is one of death. It may be painful; but He is worth it all - He is faithful to give us the grace to pull through. And we just have to be willing to die to ourselves.
Will you die to yourself?
To my fiancé,
I pray that every day I live by your side, I could be the example that pushes you towards becoming the full image of Christ on the Earth. If I've ever fallen short, I truly want you to know that I am sorry; and I will never give up on Him, and I will never give up on you.